Facts Of Life - Or Things I've Learned From The Movies
Large, loft-style apartments in New York City overlooking Central Park are well within the price range of most people - whether they are employed or not.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut - you will always choose the right one.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit astrip club at least once.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to thearmpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone inthe control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off-even while scuba diving.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you makethe mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer,it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do. (It used to be an English accent for the German.)
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown throughit before long.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to makesure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speakto each other in English.
Extremely beautiful and intelligent women are likely to becom prostitutes or welders.
Radiation causes interesting mutations - not to your future children but to you, right there and then.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage
despite laying entire cities to waste by their actions.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds -
unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped
inside.
In school, teachers will always be interrupted mid-sentence by the
end-of-class bell.
The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him
48 hours to finish the job.
If a killer is lurking in you house, it's easy to find him. Just relax
and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon - then
look in your bathroom mirror and he will suddenly appear behind you.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place.
No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can
travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer
beast, themayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his
forthcoming art exhibition.
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill
- just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be
the exact fare.
Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night,
you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK
Stadium.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
If you wear glasses and something unbelievable happens, it is always
nessasary to take off your glasses so you can see the event more
clearly.
If you are a hacker, expert or novice, and you break into a
computer system you must say "Were in!" or "I'm in!" very
enthusiastically and as if you've never broke into one before.
You can always guess a password on a high security system by the
fifth attempt - the password is always displayed to the screen - always
in really big letters so everyone around can see you type it in.
Whenever there is a huge explosion and/or fire, running away, and
falling onto the ground (in slow motion with at least six different
camera angles showing the same shot several times) will only give you
slight soot marks to the face. (If you're the Star, and not the unfortunate
Red Shirt) Coroner and lab reports take minutes instead of weeks.
Heavy smokers can run like the wind yet never get tired or out of
breath.
It doesn't matter that there is no medium to conduct sound in the vacuum
of space -- spacecraft whizzing by, lasers going off, and
large explosions will still produce sound.
Even the most junior of millitary personnel have absolute knowledge of
all defensive and offensive tactics.