Eternity -
The time that passes between a dropped cue and the next line
Prop -
A hand-carried object small enough to be lost by an actor 30
seconds before it is needed on stage
Director -
The individual who suffers from the delusion that he or she is
responsible for every moment of brilliance cited by the critic
in the local review
Blocking -
The art of moving actors on the stage in such a manner as not to
collide with the walls, the furniture, the orchestra pit or each
other. Similar to playing chess, except that the pawns want to
argue with you.
Blocking Rehearsal -
A rehearsal taking place early in the production schedule
where actors frantically write down movements which will be
nowhere in evidence by opening night
Quality Theater -
Any show with which you were directly involved
Turkey -
Every show with which you were not directly involved
Dress Rehearsal -
Rehearsal that becomes a whole new ball game as actors attempt to
maneuver among the 49 objects that the set designer added at 7:30
that evening.
Tech Week -
The last week of rehearsal when everything that was supposed to be
done weeks before finally comes together at the last minute; reaches
its grand climax on dress rehearsal night when costumes rip, a dimmer
pack catches fire and the director has a nervous breakdown. Also known
as "hell" week.
Set -
An
obstacle course which, throughout the rehearsal period, defies the
laws of physics by growing smaller week by week while
continuing to occupy the same amount of space
Monologue -
That bright, shining moment when all eyes are focused on a single
actor who is desperately aware that if he forgets a line, no one can
save him
Dark Night -
The night before opening when no rehearsal is scheduled so the
actors and crew can go home and get some well-deserved rest, and instead
spend the night staring sleeplessly at the ceiling because they're
sure they needed one more rehearsal
Bit Part -
An opportunity for the actor with the smallest role to count
everybody else's lines and mention repeatedly that he or she has
the smallest part in the show.
Green Room -
Room shared by nervous actors waiting to go on stage and the
precocious children whose actor parents couldn't get a baby-sitter
that night, a situation which can result in justifiable homicide
Dark Spot -
An area of the stage which the lighting designer has inexplicably
forgotten to light, and which has a magnetic attraction for the
first-time actor. A dark spot is never evident before opening night.
Hands -
Appendages at the end of the arms used for manipulating one's
environment, except on a stage, where they grow six times their
normal size and either dangle uselessly, fidget nervously, or try
to hide in your pockets
Stage Manager -
Individual responsible for overseeing the crew, supervising the
set changes, baby-sitting the actors and putting the director in
a hammerlock to keep him from killing the actor who just decided
to turn his walk-on part into a major role by doing magic tricks
while he serves the tea
Lighting Director -
Individual who, from the only vantage point offering a full view
of the stage, gives the stage manager a heart attack by announcing
a play-by-play of everything that's going wrong
Makeup Kit -
(1) Among experienced community theater actors, a battered
tackle box loaded with at least 10 shades of greasepaint
in various stages of desiccation, tubes of lipstick and blush,
assorted pencils, bobby pins, braids of crepe hair, liquid
latex, old programs, jewelry, break-a-leg greeting cards
from past shows, brushes and a handful of half-melted
cough drops
(2) For first-time male actors, a helpless look and anything
they can borrow
The Forebrain -
The part of an actors brain which contains lines, blocking and
characterization; activated by hot lights
The Hindbrain -
The part of an actors brain that keeps up a running subtext in
the background, while the forebrain is trying to act. The hindbrain
supplies a constant stream of unwanted information. Such as who is
sitting in the second row tonight, a notation to seriously maim the
crew member who thought it would be funny to put real Tabasco sauce
in the fake Bloody Marys, or the fact that you need to do laundry
on Sunday.
Stage Crew -
Group of individuals who spend their evenings coping with 50-minute
stretches of total boredom interspersed with 30-second bursts of mindless
panic
Message Play -
Any play which its director describes as "worthwhile," "a challenge
to actors and audience alike," or "designed to make the audiencethink."
Critics will be impressed both by the daring material and the roomy
accommodations, since they're likely to have the house all to themselves.
Bedroom Farce -
Any play which requires various states of undress on stage and whose
set sports a lot of doors. The lukewarm reviews, all of which feature
the phrase "typical community theater fare" in the opening paragraph,
are followed paradoxically by a frantic attempt to schedule more performances
to accommodate the overflow crowds.
Assistant Director -
Individual willing to undertake special projects that nobody else
would take on a bet, such as working one-on-one with the brain-dead
actor whom the rest of the cast has threatened to take out a contract
on.
Set Piece -
Any large piece of furniture which actors will resolutely use as a
safety shield between themselves and the audience, in an apparent
attempt to both anchor themselves to the floor, thereby avoiding floating
off into space, and to keep the audience from seeing that they actually
have legs
Strike -
The time immediately following the last performance while all cast
and crew members are required to stay and dismantle (or watch the
two people who own Makita screw drivers) dismantle the set.
Actors (As defined by a set designer) -
People who stand between the audience and the set designer's art,
blocking the view. That's also the origin of the word "blocking,"
by the way
Stage Right, Stage Left -
Two simple directions actors pretend not to understand in order
to drive directors crazy. ("No, no, your OTHER stage right!")
Just Remember:
"It's only Community Theater until it offends someone ... then it's
ART!"
