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Humor Quotes: Funny Dog Quotes
"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend, and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." --Groucho Marx. I know that dogs are pack animals, but it's difficult to imagine a pack of standard poodles . . . and if there was such a thing as a pack of standard poodles, where would they rove to? Bloomingdales? -- Yvonne Clifford "Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job." --Franklin P. Jones "The difference between cats and dogs is, dogs come when they are called, cats take a message and get back to you." --??? "In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him." -- Dereke Rita "A dog is not 'almost human', and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it as such." --John Holmes If you are a
dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater...suggest that
he wear a tail." --Fran Lebowitz To his dog, every man is Napolean; hence the constant popularity of dogs - Aldous Huxley "Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun!" --Groucho Marx "Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog?"--?? "If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman's pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog." --George Bernard Shaw "America is a large friendly dog in a small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair." --Arnold Toynbee "When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem." --Edward Abbey "Rambunctious, rumbustious, delinquent dogs become angelic when sitting." --Dr. Ian Dunbar "The old saw about old dogs and new tricks only applies to certain people." --Daniel Pinkwater 'Train Your Dog, Dammit!' "A dog, I will maintain, is a very tolerable judge of beauty, as appears from the fact that any liberally educated dog does, in a general way, prefer a woman to a man."--Frances Thompson New York Times Magazine May 14, 1967 "I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." --Rita Rudner "My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives." -- Rita Rudner I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts. -- John Steinbeck "The nose of the Bulldog has been slanted backwards so that he can breathe without letting go." --Winston Churchill "If you feed your dog a chip be prepared to stock up." (Contributed by Jessica Hofland --South Dakota) "A
door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of" Ogden
Nash (1902-1971)
"If a dog's prayers were answered, bones would rain from the sky". Old Proverb "Not Carnegie, Vanderbilt, and Astor together could have raised money enough to buy a quarter share in my little dog. " Ernest Thompson Seton (1860-1946) "Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." -- Robert A. Heinlein "This
doesn't necessarily mean dogs but I see it that way:
Where did it come from, and at what moment in time did it walk out of the deserts and forest to sleep at the foot of man?" Mordecai Siegal (b.1934) "The small percentage of dogs that bite people is monumental proof that the dog is the most benign, forgiving creature on earth." W.B.Koehler "Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog?" -- Unknown The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog. --Ambrose Bierce To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. --Aldous Huxley If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them. -- Phil Pastoret To add your favorite dog quote to our Index, send it in!
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