MARKETING:
One of the luckiest of all signs, because you chose a major in college which no one could really explain, which led to a job with responsibilities that no can really delineate, which makes it next to impossible to fire you for not doing your job. You know what it takes to get ahead--after all, you conned them into paying you all this money anyway, didn't you?

Astrological Aromatherapy Candles & Soap(Soular Therapy)

INTERNET/SOFTWARE ENGINEER: 
Once the brunt of all playground jokes, you are now the geek that has inheirited the Earth to become the RockStar of the 21st Century. Hey, dot com this, will ya?

Learn how to Lucid Dream
in 7 Days


TECHNOLOGY SUPPORT SPECIALIST:
Seeing Doom as a metaphor for life, you are happier being around machines than with people. Your sign is the one most likely to "go postal" when you are interrupted from your game of Asheron's Call to fix the network for yet a third time.

WEB DESIGNER:
Struggling to come to grips with the deepest questions of human existence, since you know better than anyone that you can't even believe what you see with your own eyes anymore in this Photoshop-ready world, your sign is one of the most sensitive of the zodiac. Of course, that could have something to do with all your tattoos and body piercings.

SALES:
The most scent-oriented of all the signs, you think nothing of slapping on a little extra cologne or perfume--to mask the scent of blood when you dive in to nail that client to that extended service contract they really didn't need. Of course, the four course, 2 drink lunch you put on the company's expense account probably would have had that covered.

HUMAN RESOURCES:
Talking to people gives you your reason for living, and fortunately, your job lets you talk to and about everyone while maintaining a thinly disguised veil of actually doing work. Somewhat of a poor stepchild to the Sales & Marketing folks, you get no expense account to go out to fabulous lunches, but that's OK, because you never know what important piece of office gossip you'd miss if you actually left the building.

CEO:
One minute you were worrying about midterms, thankful you could finally grow a full beard or perfectly fill out that bikini top (without having visited Brittany's doctor), and fighting the stupid people who ran your school's computer systems about the MP3 collection you maintained for "personal use." Next thing you knew, you were the toast of Silicon Valley--the genius with the killer app--and we're not talking application to grad school, here. If this doesn't describe you, then you are what is known in these here parts as "Adult Supervision" so get ready to deal with those kids today. In the realm of romance, it's best that you stick with Wife/Girfriend or Husband/Boyfriend #1 rather than go for the office romance--dating down would likely put you right smack in line for a sexual harassment suit, and with those IPO millions in the bank, that's probably not a road you want to travel.

Calendar Astrological Signs Eight Part Chinese Astrological Map

OFFICE SUPPORT/SECRETARIAL:
Most organized of all signs, you are also endowed with an extreme tolerance for the BS you so often receive from other less humanly aware signs of the zodiac. You also have a psychic intuition that lets you guess what your boss is thinking, but depending on how nice of a person he or she is, you may or may not let them in on the secret, sometimes choosing to feign ignorance just to get a reaction and your own little laugh kicks on the side. You KNOW you are special and do not need validation from others to prove that. Even though some gorgeous flowers from your boss on Secretaries Day wouldn't exactly suck.

LAWYER:
Unlike other signs, you are able to resolve ethical dilemmas easily, by just changing the words into legalese so no one has any clue at all what the actual issue is. Your life is generally compartmentalized into hours billable and those not, with not much room on the time sheet for family and friends. But that's OK, you're a lawyer, so how many friends do you have anyway? Unless they're being sued, that is...

POLITICIAN:
You are the most attractive of all signs, the most brilliant, compassionate, intelligent, progressive, dynamic, ethical, moral, fiscally responsible, strongest leader your constituents have ever had as a representative. Oh, and by the way, I'm running for election this November--remember to vote for me, OK?

This page was

Inspired by the Corporate Zodiac

a hilarious piece written by Tom Mitzel, and first published in CONK! in 1997

CUSTOMER SERVICE:
All that cheery, positive & chirpy stuff is your cover. You really have a duplicitous side that gives you a talent for mass deception. F--- you is the silent mantra in your head, as you throw daggers with your brain through the flesh of whichever insane idiot is coming to you NOW with their unimportant, petty problems, all the while keeping that smile firmly in place so no one's the wiser. Thank you for calling. Have a Good Day.

Zodiac Art Print

More Astrology Art

ACCOUNTING: 
Smarter than many of your coworkers, you suffer from the unsexiest of jobs syndromes. Numbers crunching, after all, does nothing to improve those abs. You also suffer from the Pollyanna syndrom of thinking that everything in life has to come out balanced and even, and that companies actually have to make money in order to be successful. Couple of words of advice for you. Amazon. EBay. MP3.com. All losing money. Stock still up. Get over yourself.
 
MIDDLE MANAGEMENT/ 
DEPT MANAGEMENT/ 
"TEAM LEADS"
VPS: 
Always looking over your shoulder to see who's coming up on your back, you are the most insecure of all the signs, probably because anybody with half a brain could do your job. Not sure if that's true? Hey, why not schedule a meeting so you can discuss the veracity of that statement for a couple of hours, it's not like there's anything else that needs to get done. Targeted for dates by social climbers looking to go to the top, who will learn the hard way that you can only sleep your way to the middle.

Birthstone Jewelry


CONSULTANT/CONTRACTOR:
Everyone hates you because you work when you want and get paid what you want. Do you care? You work when you want and get paid what you want... Hey you! Complaining over there...can you say...loser? 

HOUSE MANAGER/MOM:
You are the Queen of Multi-tasking, able to jump three piles of toys & laundry with the speed of someone who's left something on the stove that's now burning, wipe 3 runny noses with a single swoop, and finish the stat reports for your office gig without even batting an eyelash. Armed with eyes in the back of your head, you KNOW ALL and SAW who actually did it. Now, if you were just less tired and could actually do something about it...

DOCTOR:
Too much studying in medical school left no room in your brain to remember the handwriting methods you were taught in your youth, and you therefore have the worst penmanship of all the signs. Your golf handicap, however, blows the rest of them away.